The ridiculous journey started right from the airport, after trying to check in online and print my boarding pass which Ryanair requires you to do before arriving at the airport the website told me that due to the fact that I'm not an EU member I would need to check in at the ticket counter in order to get my boarding pass. Normally this would have seemed fishy to me but I was flying out of Bournemouth airport which is so small I just assumed they had a different process for international travellers. Wrong. I swear they should rename me murphy because as usual anything that can go wrong, will. Ryanair made me pay £70 to print me a boarding pass... That's almost $125. Fuck me.
Making a decision not to let this set back ruin my beachy holiday I ate the cost and went through security, and watched the party unfold right before my eyes at the terminal. Everyone was at the airport bar doing shots of tequila, chugging beer and spirits and yelling loudly. Since I was alone and my friends were flying to Ibiza from another airport I popped my headphones in, ordered myself a cider and kept to myself. That didn't last long.
Once aboard the plane things got crazy, this flight may have well been a flying party bus, people were blasting music, dancing in the aisles, going up to the drink and food cart as if it was a proper bar in a nightclub. I chatted with everyone around me, made some friends, drank a little, laughed a lot and before you know it we were there!
I shared a taxi to San Antonio with some people who were also heading in that direction and made my way to my hotel, Hotel Gran Sol- Calle Soledad 49 Balearic Islas, Ibiza, Spain.
The hotel was much better than I had expected for the price I was paying, big granite bar, super nice pool, meters from the beach, private balcony, private bathroom, and key card entry. This may sound standard to you if you've never left the states but believe me, in Europe that is luxury!
I settled in, changed, and went to the hotel bar for a caipirinha. I turned on my phone at the bar and received a text from my friend Rosie (see earlier blog to hear all about some good times with Rosie in London) who was supposed to be meeting me at the hotel shortly since her flight from East Midlands got in much later than mine. Next bit of bad news: Rosie missed her flight... And wasn't going to make it... At all. Panic set in for a second thinking that I would be lost in Ibiza alone for the next 5 days. Until I remembered that Rosie's friend Whitney was supposed to be joining us the next afternoon. I asked Rosie if Whitney would still be coming and was delighted to hear that she was, however since Rosie was our only mutual friend I hadn't bothered to get any of this girls information. I didn't know what she looked like, her nationality, last name, or anything! Will she be fun? Does she want to party or does she want to relax? How is she going to find the hotel? The whole thing was nervous-making!!
I decided to let fate take control of my week and let things happen naturally. I talked to some girls in the hotel bar, had some drinks and went down to the west end with one of them for some fun.
I'm not sure how to really explain the west end other than to say that it's sort of like the British version of rocky point, Mexico on crack, with a nice yacht harbour. Cheap drinks everywhere, people offering you tickets to the super clubs, and loads of 19 year olds partying.
We got 2 drinks each, 2 shots each, and a pitcher of Long Island ice tea, for €5 each. Um... Bargain!
The booze started flowing freely, the chatter got crazy, made friends with some Scottish guys, danced a bit, and got a little taste of Ibiza. I headed back to my hotel probably around 3 am (which is early for Ibiza), sat on my balcony skylit a good friend from home and watched the sunrise.
Early that next afternoon the phone in my hotel room rang, I answered to hear an American woman on the other end introducing herself as the one and only Whitney! I gave her our room number and let her know I'd stay at the hotel and wait for her to get there. I was so thrilled that she was American! I got up, showered, got ready for the day and anxiously awaited her arrival.
Once Whitney got there the party STARTED. This girl and I instantly bonded, talking hair and make up, long journeys to Ibiza, Rosie not making it, surprised that we were both American!!
After some celebratory ciders at the hotel bar and a quick bite to eat we hopped in a taxi to the opening of the zoo project party, with absolutely no idea what we were in for.
This party was EPIC, literally held in an abandoned zoo people were painted like animals, acting like animals, dancing their asses off, swimming in the pool, running around, watching the dancers and we happily joined in got our faces painted and went WILD.
Once zoo ended we hopped on a random party bus which transported us straight to the door of sankeys, a club in Ibiza town with crazy rooms, light up ceilings, a movie theatre room??, and tons of people, where we made friends with some girls name Molly, Mandy, and Jessica. Whitney and I probably lost each other a thousand times but she kept finding me -- most likely because I was still wearing my neon bikini from the day and had body paint like a snake. Sloppy. After about 13 hours of these shenanigans we went to bora bora beach to watch the sunrise. Amazing. Until I realised my phone and debit card were gone. Fuck my life.
We headed back to sankeys to see if anyone had found anything but the place was so massive I think we both knew it was futile, and my phone was most likely snatched by the person I asked to snap a photo of me and my new friends & just walked away. Whatever douche, enjoy the iPhone 5 with the shattered screen that's been reported stolen so you can't even use the wifi. Good thing I have 2 iPhones asshole.
Needless to say, the next morning was a struggle. All aboard the struggle bus, to struggle street, in struggle city. & guess what? You can't drink the tap water. Not because of parasites or what not like in Mexico, but because it is full on SALT water, there is so much salt in Ibiza's mineral rich rocky cliffs they haven't been able to figure out how to remove it from the water. You can't even boil it out.
So We nursed our hangovers at our hotel with some delicious paella and sangria (and about 2 gallons of water) by the pool then headed to the beach. Now Ibiza has some of the most stunning beaches in the world, big cliffs, seriously blue water, and the sun felt like it was always shining. Not to mention- everyone is naked. Totally and completely butt ass naked laying in the sand and swimming in the Mediterranean Sea. Whitney and I opted for topless instead of totally nude, hey why not? No tan lines, hello. We swam, rested, and enjoyed the scenery.
Once we freshened up and got some food we went down to the west end to buy tickets for disclosure at space (I was very lucky that Whitney is American since I was able to transfer funds from my account into hers, leaving whoever happened to find my debit card unable to use it-- although I'm sure I just left it at the bar). Once purchased we went down to the beach at cafe mambo to mix and mingle and watch the fire show!
Later we took the bus to space for disclosure, cut the queue like total assholes, and got right inside the club. We took it relatively easy compared to the night before (even running into some friends from zoo/sankeys who exclaimed "Laura how are you?! You're looking less messy!!"-- hahaha luckily I don't embarrass easily).
We rocked, we rolled, ran into Molly, Mandy, and Jessica again, we enjoyed the giant neon heads, and we called it a night. Unfortunately for us, I think everyone called it a night at the same time. We had to fight hard for seats on the bus back to San Antonio, but we did it, and home we went!
The next morning was much less of a struggle, we had sorted out our water situation, we were up at a decent hour, and my mother had sent us more money (thank you mom I'm very thankful that you're such a badass), so we got our bikinis on, bought some tickets to a boat party, and went down to cafe mambo for brunch. We explored the shops, tried on goofy t shirts, bought them, then headed to the docks for our boat party only to find out it was cancelled. I am telling you I have the worst luck!!! We did however get our money back and use it to find a different boat party that was an hour later and off into the sea we went. Dancing, loving life, making friends, goofing off. SO much fun!
Afterwards we stopped for dinner and I ate probably 20 pounds of food before we went to freshen up for the one the only opening party at privilege Ibiza with Dash Berlin and ARMIN VAN BUUREN aka the #1 DJ in the world aka my favorite person, ever.
We met some amazing guys on the bus there and arrived at the biggest club in the world, with the hottest go go dancers , most expensive drinks €19 for red bull vodka ARE you kidding?!!? That's like $40!!! Ew. Decided to stay sober at that very moment. The music was enough for me that night anyway!
Indescribable. Amazing. Life changing.
So that was that, my flight left the next day and I arrived back to England, thirsty, tired, and sore.
One thing I will tell you about Ibiza is that it is literally Hell, the devil has taken over and his sirens are out and about to play and suck out your soul. There are gorgeous women everywhere offering you jobs, telling you to stay on the island. There are people who have came there and never left. Even Whitney decided to stay another week (girlllllllll you better leave that island eventually!!! I don't wanna hear stories about you running a gypsy cab ring and slanging pills to 19 year olds okay? Haha)
If I could offer you any advice about Ibiza here is what I know:
* Buy your water on a side of town that is not touristy and buy a LOT of it. Shit is like liquid gold down there.
* don't ask someone you don't know to take a photo of you with your phone
* pay for things in cash, leave the debit card at home
* you most certainly CAN get lost in Ibiza forever.
* don't even bother bringing heels
* it IS glamorous, but it is also dangerous
* everyone is British- learn the difference between a Nordi, Scottish, Irish, Posh, Manchester, London, or Southern accent or you will be offending bitches left and right.
* don't lose your friends
* take the free buses
* always remember, this is not Miami, Vegas, cancun, LA, New York, or any other party destination. This is IBIZA and it will eat you alive.
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