But if you
close your eyes, does it almost feel like nothing’s changed at all?
One of my
favorite Bastille songs plays in my head as I sit down in my Hollywood,
California apartment, it’s been a frustrating day and I decide that instead of
accompanying my friend to an album release party I am going to sit on my ass in
my bed with a glass of pinot noir and reflect. Fuck it, as my fabulous friend
Ryan Mclaughlin would say- make that glass of pinot a double.
I sit down at
my laptop with every intention of doing nothing but watching the Carrie Diaries
on Hulu and drowning my sorrows in wine when I open my browser window to
Facebook. In the upper left hand corner of my profile screen there’s a new
little bubble that says “See your 2013 year in review”. Intrigued, I click the
button to see a photo collage of my most memorable moments of 2013. At this
moment I remembered that almost exactly one year ago I had made a list in my
phone of goals for 2013; I scramble to find my phone which is lost somewhere in
the abyss that is my bedroom (I have put off putting away my clean laundry for
about….um….let’s go with 5 days…oops) and open the note. It read:
- Take more risks
- Chase your acting dreams
- Read more novels
- Move
to
- Travel the world
- Keep a journal
- Take your vitamins everyday
- Stop dating idiots
I giggle a little, with the exception of that last one I
think I actually did a pretty great job at doing what I set forth to do in 2013
& it has changed my life completely.
When I think
about where I was exactly one year ago, I barely recognize that person. Who is
this girl that could hardly think outside of her little Scottsdale bubble? In my wildest dreams I
never would have thought that I would be where I am today in only a year.
2013 got off
to a rocky start for me. If I’m being totally candid here I was stuck in a
toxic friendship with a man that, while I love whole heartedly, was basically
ruining my life. Ok, that was an exaggeration but in all truthfulness it is
very hard to find who you are as a person and learn to love yourself when you
are constantly trying to bring someone else out of their dark hole. Eventually
you just get sucked into the hole with them and you both just live there in the
darkness enabling one another. One of the hardest lessons that I have had to
learn this year is that not everyone is meant to be in your life forever if
someone does not make your quality of life better they need to be removed. Be
it temporarily or permanently I am learning to only spend my precious time with
people who make me the best version of myself. It’s getting easier as the days
pass but this year I have actually cut out a few people that I honestly thought
would be lifelong friends. It’s been bittersweet.
In a miraculous
moment of self-awareness I saw the spiral that I was stuck in in Arizona and decided that
I wanted to take 6 months off to find myself and travel. I accepted a job as a
live in au pair in the United
Kingdom and enrolled in the Art University
of Bournemouth to study interior design and braced myself for what I hoped
would be the best 6 months of my life.
Nothing could
have prepared me for those 6 months. Those of you who have read this
blog/online journal have read about my tantalizing adventures throughout
Europe, going to super clubs in Ibiza, attending live sex shows in Amsterdam,
sipping champagne at the top of the Eiffel Tower in Paris, the list goes on!
What you don’t know is how deeply the people that I met along the way changed
my perspective on life. In fact, I’m not even 100% sure that they are aware of
how much they have done for me most likely without even knowing it. So I am
going to take a moment to personally thank these incredible individuals.
- Abby,
Lola-May, & Olivia Rawlings- Thank you for being my family the entire
time that I was in
- Charlotte- You are the most inspirational woman I have ever met. Your positive attitude in the face of adversity is nothing short of admirable and I can only hope that some of you has rubbed off on me!
- Kelly
& Vicky- You ladies are little balls of fun!! I don’t know what I
would have done in
- Ana- Bacanal Great Gatsby Party. Enough said. I could not have asked for a better mate to share that weekend with!!
- Whitney
Aviles- Girllllllll shoot. We both live in LA now so you already know I
adore your crazy ass, BUT I will publicly thank you for everything you did
for me when I could not hang in
- Jules- Thank you for making Uni fun, I miss our beach and towne center dates!
- Kari-Anne Habbershaw- I don't even know where to start with you!! I can not believe that I sat next to you on a flight from Stockholm to London and we became literally the best of friends. From Wimbledon to hotel room service, Bruce Springstein (that was beyond random), getting lost on night buses, Oxford Circus penthouses, randomly getting a couple into a fight we have just shared so many moments that no one else would understand, people probably think we are bat shit crazy when we are together and I wouldn't have it any other way.
- To
James, Aaron, David, Joel,
Ok sorry for the gush fest I just wanted to let the
aforementioned awesome human beings know that they are loved and appreciated.
Since returning
to the states from Europe I have since moved to Los Angeles , which I’m sure all of you know
by now. It’s been about 4 months now and there have been many ups and downs
already. This is a tough town (I will be writing another segment about how no
one in LA is actually dating so stay tuned for that), everyone is busy,
selfish, gorgeous, and slightly crazy. I’m still adjusting and for the most
part loving every second of it!
With all that said a new year is about to begin and I have
lots of new projects coming up including a theatre show with TreStage theater
in which I play a badass super hero, and dating spoof videos with the very
amazing David Wygant so stay tuned for those!! I’m also working on setting up a
Vlog channel on youtube (that is if my awesome parental units come through with
a MacBook Pro for Christmas--- COME ON ROB AND DONNA I WILL LOVE YOU FOREVER
AND EVER!!) If 2013 was my year of growth than 2014 will be my year for success!
I can feel it in my bones!
I would love to hear some of your goals for 2014, feel free to
share in the comments below!
Happy Holiday & God bless!!
